I totally loved reading this piece. As a woman and a senior I have been witnessing these ridiculous religions trying to keep women in their place. I have been divorced from an abusive man for many years, I could have stayed, but I probably would be dead. My children grew up just fine without a man pushing us around.
No God does not hate divorce. What he does hate is when people are mean to other people including women. Not a single person actually knows what God hates or doesn’t hate as the whole of the Bible are literally stories to show certain morals. Not a single person who wrote the actual Bible (of which is in Ancient Hebrew and as been translated, mistranslated, translated, and mistranslated again) know anything about what God actually likes, and doesn’t like.
Amen to that! The Old Testament, at least the first five books was Jesus’ Bible. He rejected everything in it that was cruel and unjust. It is cruel and unjust to force anyone to stay in a an unworkable relationship.
Old Testament is moot. And, like you, we are ALL saved by the grace of God. ALL saved. And I don't understand why anyone would want to live their life according to the Old Testament...Let's also remember the Bible was written decades after Jesus' death, by men who look like our government.
Having helped several thousand persons 'dissolve their marital relationship' as an attorney, I can assure you that a no-fault dissolving of a legal relationship - instead of one spouse pitted against the other in court, proving some dumb claim so the court will grant a divorce against the other - is God's way of loving his children. Only humans force other humans to do their selfish bidding, not God. Man's arrogance in claiming to know what God wants or thinks is the biggest religious blunder in history. Men dominating women in marriage laws and relationships is the biggest social blunder in history.
If divorce means you lose your friends and your social community, you're not in a religion; you're in a cult. A cult that does NOT accept you for yourself but views you only in relation to someone else, namely a spouse. That's why legal marriage is a CIVIL arrangement. You're not legally married unless you comply with state law, regardless of what your religion says. And you're most definitely divorced when the state grants that decree.
Christopher Hitchens was right when he said religion ruins everything. Marriage included.
As the child of parents who weren’t divorced but should have been, I was incredibly angry with my mother after she died. She was only 59 and I was mad with her for staying in an unhappy marriage “for the sake of the kids”.
My brother and I would have been better off, and so would both our parents, if they had divorced, but they were from a time and place where you just stayed together, no matter what.
I was also victim of the evangelical marriage cult thing. Mine involved a "husband" like Mikey. What a nightmare. You pay a price to get out, but there is infinite value to your free soul and life. Thank you for this.
I have a good friend who is an Evangelical Christian. She is a really decent human being. She is married to an abusive piece of sh*t. She won't leave him because, you know, good Christian woman. We have been friends for the past 25 or so years so I have seen and heard a lot of what has gone on in that household. I shake my head every day that she stays. I have been divorced for about the same length of time, he wasn't a terrible person, it was not an abusive relationship, there were other factors at play with us splitting up. However, I would NEVER put up with what she has put up with, all these years. Her eldest son just went through a divorce. He is her favourite, he went to Bible College, started his own Church (all of that funded by her) but in the background, something clearly was going down with his marriage. I was at their wedding. His wife is a lovely woman, hard working, had 4 kids to him, all the things. The second they separated, my friend turned against her daughter-in-law. It was like she had done something really awful instead of, clearly, getting herself out of a situation that was no longer healthy for her and her children. The son is a slimy, lazy piece of sh*t too. My friend swears and declares that her son is "not like John", therefore why did her daughter-in-law want a divorce because it was clearly "not that bad". Sigh. As if she would know, or really see, what went on in her son's marriage. I think the same thing holds as in this article e.g. if she left HER husband, she would be ostracized. So she stays. And I really wish she didn't.
To those in abusive relationships who stay together “for the sake of the kids”: that was me for a long time too. But watching my kids heal and grow in the calm safe space we created after my divorce has been a privilege.
Children need parents who are healthy individuals, who can grow and change. The sacrificial/altruistic shite that’s heaped on women actually attracts abusers and then we stay because it was what we were groomed all along to endure.
I did not know your story so resembled mine, Alli. I’m so so proud of you. 💕
Been there, done that, many years ago. I fought back and made sure it stuck. Then, I had him neutered so he couldn't impregnate anyone else and not support the children. The abuse, don't know because I never looked back. My children are all grown now. I had married at 17, was in a church that was very much as described....I learned a lot through all of it. Survive, fight, be independent. It is our human right.
Spot on. The God thing is such a trigger for me. I mean if there was really an almighty “something” up in the air would we even have to be writing about whether divorce is the right or wrong thing to do? Without religion we would be forced to think on our own. What a novel idea.
I totally loved reading this piece. As a woman and a senior I have been witnessing these ridiculous religions trying to keep women in their place. I have been divorced from an abusive man for many years, I could have stayed, but I probably would be dead. My children grew up just fine without a man pushing us around.
I got ambushed like this by a good friend. I also had a Catholic Priest tell me to leave him. That God did not want me to suffer!
You don’t stay in a bad relationship! Thanks for this writing.
No God does not hate divorce. What he does hate is when people are mean to other people including women. Not a single person actually knows what God hates or doesn’t hate as the whole of the Bible are literally stories to show certain morals. Not a single person who wrote the actual Bible (of which is in Ancient Hebrew and as been translated, mistranslated, translated, and mistranslated again) know anything about what God actually likes, and doesn’t like.
Amen to that! The Old Testament, at least the first five books was Jesus’ Bible. He rejected everything in it that was cruel and unjust. It is cruel and unjust to force anyone to stay in a an unworkable relationship.
I believe the New Testament negates the Old and it's slap to God and Jesus by not accepting his gift. The forgiveness of sins.
Exactly. The Old Testament was God’s law, which Jesus rejected. The New Testament is God’s grace initiated by Jesus.
Old Testament is moot. And, like you, we are ALL saved by the grace of God. ALL saved. And I don't understand why anyone would want to live their life according to the Old Testament...Let's also remember the Bible was written decades after Jesus' death, by men who look like our government.
This spoke to me. I have been holding my own hand since age 2. Freedom. It’s everything to me.
Having helped several thousand persons 'dissolve their marital relationship' as an attorney, I can assure you that a no-fault dissolving of a legal relationship - instead of one spouse pitted against the other in court, proving some dumb claim so the court will grant a divorce against the other - is God's way of loving his children. Only humans force other humans to do their selfish bidding, not God. Man's arrogance in claiming to know what God wants or thinks is the biggest religious blunder in history. Men dominating women in marriage laws and relationships is the biggest social blunder in history.
If divorce means you lose your friends and your social community, you're not in a religion; you're in a cult. A cult that does NOT accept you for yourself but views you only in relation to someone else, namely a spouse. That's why legal marriage is a CIVIL arrangement. You're not legally married unless you comply with state law, regardless of what your religion says. And you're most definitely divorced when the state grants that decree.
Christopher Hitchens was right when he said religion ruins everything. Marriage included.
Freedom of Religion and separation of Church and State must endure in our country.
As the child of parents who weren’t divorced but should have been, I was incredibly angry with my mother after she died. She was only 59 and I was mad with her for staying in an unhappy marriage “for the sake of the kids”.
My brother and I would have been better off, and so would both our parents, if they had divorced, but they were from a time and place where you just stayed together, no matter what.
I was also victim of the evangelical marriage cult thing. Mine involved a "husband" like Mikey. What a nightmare. You pay a price to get out, but there is infinite value to your free soul and life. Thank you for this.
The only crown Mike Johnson should wear is a Burger King crown
Hes’ gayer than Christmas.
Holy Mike is gayer than a pocket full of rainbows.
I have a good friend who is an Evangelical Christian. She is a really decent human being. She is married to an abusive piece of sh*t. She won't leave him because, you know, good Christian woman. We have been friends for the past 25 or so years so I have seen and heard a lot of what has gone on in that household. I shake my head every day that she stays. I have been divorced for about the same length of time, he wasn't a terrible person, it was not an abusive relationship, there were other factors at play with us splitting up. However, I would NEVER put up with what she has put up with, all these years. Her eldest son just went through a divorce. He is her favourite, he went to Bible College, started his own Church (all of that funded by her) but in the background, something clearly was going down with his marriage. I was at their wedding. His wife is a lovely woman, hard working, had 4 kids to him, all the things. The second they separated, my friend turned against her daughter-in-law. It was like she had done something really awful instead of, clearly, getting herself out of a situation that was no longer healthy for her and her children. The son is a slimy, lazy piece of sh*t too. My friend swears and declares that her son is "not like John", therefore why did her daughter-in-law want a divorce because it was clearly "not that bad". Sigh. As if she would know, or really see, what went on in her son's marriage. I think the same thing holds as in this article e.g. if she left HER husband, she would be ostracized. So she stays. And I really wish she didn't.
To those in abusive relationships who stay together “for the sake of the kids”: that was me for a long time too. But watching my kids heal and grow in the calm safe space we created after my divorce has been a privilege.
Children need parents who are healthy individuals, who can grow and change. The sacrificial/altruistic shite that’s heaped on women actually attracts abusers and then we stay because it was what we were groomed all along to endure.
I did not know your story so resembled mine, Alli. I’m so so proud of you. 💕
Been there, done that, many years ago. I fought back and made sure it stuck. Then, I had him neutered so he couldn't impregnate anyone else and not support the children. The abuse, don't know because I never looked back. My children are all grown now. I had married at 17, was in a church that was very much as described....I learned a lot through all of it. Survive, fight, be independent. It is our human right.
Spot on. The God thing is such a trigger for me. I mean if there was really an almighty “something” up in the air would we even have to be writing about whether divorce is the right or wrong thing to do? Without religion we would be forced to think on our own. What a novel idea.